Tuesday, September 22, 2020
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Freshman Formal

  • Lance Chou ’20

It’s a week before formal and you are panicking because you don’t know who you are going to ask. You are pacing around your house trying to figure out who the lucky lady will be, since formal is going to solidify your place in society for the rest of your life. You think about the encounters you’ve had with girls, where they didn’t pretend not to hear you, in the past few weeks, none come to mind.

You ask around, but remember that all your friends died in the great freshman famine of 2019.  “AH-HA” you exclaim as you remember the cute girl in your bio class who asked you whether or not you had gum, she was clearly just to shy to tell you that she’s in love with you and infatuated by this encounter you decide to send her “streaks” on Snapchat in order to get the conversation rolling. She replies with “Who are you and how did you get my Snapchat?” and you think, wow! She already has a nickname for me.

Fast forward to two days before formal and you are deciding on what pun you are going to put on your poster. It’s a tough decision, but you decide on “It’d be unBEARable if you didn’t go to formal with me” on your poster, that your mom made, with a stuffed bear attached….obviously because you want to be quirky. The next day you get yourself ready with your poster and flowers with your friends that assure you that her friends have promised that she’s going to say yes.

Finally, the time has come, palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy and you go forward to ask her. With every last bit of courage you can summon from the inner depths of your prepubescent body, you ask her “Will you go to formal with me?” trying to hold in the preteen voice crack that’s ruffling in your vocal cords.

She waits for a second, looks around, and with a regretful face says “Sorry someone else already ask-” and before she can finish you panic and say “Oh sorry my friend took my phone” and she says “But we’re talking in person” but you are already walking away frantically, never to be seen at any school dance ever.

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